June 25, 2011: Day 54
There was still plenty of snow up on Hidden Peak, so we had a great day riding in the mashed potato and corn goodness. It’s pretty special to be getting in quality runs this late in the year. Sadly, not everyone follows the common etiquette of Spring skiing. Allow me to explain.
Steph’s rules for Spring Skiing/Riding
1. Men should never, for any reason, wear tank tops or go shirtless. This applies to both muscular men and men with chest hair/beer guts. Regardless of your body type, you look like a tool.
2. Jerseys may be worn, but only if they are not too long. Unless it’s a U of M jersey - that’s not allowed. Guideline: Knee-length IS too long.
3. Jeans, as always, are discouraged on the slopes.
4. Do not ski/ride in shorts. You look like an amateur. When you wear shorts, waters sprays up from the ground and drips into your boots. Don’t worry, you’ll discover how uncomfortable this is in a few hours.
5. Neon, plaid, one-pieces, and other gaper-wear increase the entertainment factor for all, and are therefore encouraged. As long as you are not serious…
6. Do not, under any circumstances, ski/ride with a PBR in hand. (Yes, I saw this several times.) Riding down a hill with your body strapped to a wooden plank is arguable MORE dangerous than driving. You have nothing like a seatbelt or airbag to protect you (and we all know idiots who do this are not wearing helmets). Beers on the patio AFTER riding are strongly encouraged, so just try to hold off until then.
7. No Whooping. Whooping is for epic powder days only. Have fun, but don’t act like a gaper.
8. Swimsuits should not be worn unless you are in a slush cup/pond skimming competition.
9. If you are breaking any of these rules AND wearing a fanny-pack, you deserve to be punched. (Real life example: A teenage boy who thought he was hot was skiing shirtless with a maroon fanny pack on. Not cool.)
10. Rapping while riding is encouraged. I recommend mining the vaults from the ‘90’s for favorites like “Whomp, There it is!” and “Baby Got Back.”
If you follow these rules, you will soon have the Snowbird Sunshine video playing through your head as you enjoy your epic Spring day without grossing other people out.
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